Loyal Readers, today we introduce a new feature brought to us by the GizmoDoc, a contributor specializing in medical devices and accessories. Let's welcome him to the Patient-Quack community!
GizmoDoc, I've tried Viagra and Cialis, but nothing works for me. Are there mechanical penile implants on the horizon?
Oh dear reader, what a predicament!
My first question for you is: 1) have these medications NEVER worked or 2) did they CEASE to work?
1) Do you find yourself healing rapidly from wounds? Are you unable to get drunk? Do you find that you are unaffected by most drugs and supplements? Do you think you may have some sort of mutant healing-factor. Are you Wolverine? If so, then your erectile dysfunction is likely psychological after you murdered your love, Jean Grey.
2) You should see an actual doctor.
If neither situation is completely applicable, please read on.
You are in luck! So called "penile prosthetics" or "penile implants" exist! The most commonly recommended type is an inflatable prosthesis, that can be inflated and deflated on demand. Amazing! Modern medicine!
But you might thinking: "GizmoDoc, that sounds gross and expensive. Any other, cheaper, options?"
Absolutely!
Swallow a bunch of those balloons that creepy clowns use to make horribly squeaky balloon animals and swords and stuff. Because of science, eventually one will lodge itself into your penis (statistics + science = magic). Then, use an air compressor to inflate the balloon as needed.
Good luck, and good love-making!
Update:
GizmoDoc now recommends that you DO NOT implement the air-compressor-balloon method as a DIY penile prosthesis. So many reasons why, we can't really get into it.
Thank you for your question. You can always reach us at patientquack@gmail.com.
Remember, you get what you pay for...which in this case is bad advice for free.
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